Look your shadows in the eye

Go beyond the essentials

When the time comes to prepare for your Ayahuasca retreat, you’ll find many basic suggestions on how to maximize your journey. If you’re like me—someone who has been on the path of self-discovery for a long time, even if this is your first time with Ayahuasca—you might want to go beyond the usual recommendations of diet, meditation, and journaling. Don’t get me wrong, those are essential, and you should definitely continue with them, but there is so much more you can do.

Before my first Ayahuasca retreat, I realized I needed to do a more thorough preparation than just the basics. This is especially true for those of us with harsh childhoods, or a heavy load of traumas, PTSD, unresolved issues with others, resentment, guilt, grief—the list goes on. For us, my friend, the basics often aren’t enough.

I understand that just reading this might make you feel nauseous, and the resistance might rise at the mere thought of digging deeper. Yet, I invite you to come with me, and let’s take this special journey together to heal on a profound level.

Recognize what makes you feel miserable

It’s best to start this introspective work before you leave for your retreat. As daunting and unpleasant as it may sound, you’ll be grateful for your bravery when you take the necessary steps to clear as much of your past as possible. While it’s often said that Mama Ayahuasca facilitates healing during ceremonies, it’s wise to be prepared and acknowledge your shadows. Mama Ayahuasca is known for her creative ways of revealing what we need to see, often in surprising or even shocking forms. Therefore, honestly list out what’s holding you back—fears, regrets, resentment, grief, rejections, incompletions—so when you are confronted with them, you can rise to the challenge and heal as much as possible.

Many might think, “I’ll handle it there, with the brew—why do it beforehand?” I don’t blame you if you think the same, because there is a chance that nothing too overwhelming will happen that you can’t manage on your own, so why would you force yourself into digging out the past before and stir things up ahead, right?

What I am suggesting here is making an inventory of what’s holding you back from living your best life before you go.

If you’re ready to do some inner work now, it’s like building a muscle to ask for healing from your Soul, and from Mama Ayahuasca during your ceremonies. This needs some practice, but after a couple of times of wandering away (or falling asleep), you’ll find that you get back to your presence and ask for help much sooner. And this is key!

In my own experience, when I regress to a memory where I was abused and bullied by others, a lot of tears and an almost unbearable load of emotions flood my whole being. It often goes to the extremes: sadness, anger, feeling sorry for myself (mostly for the inner child), and so on. Despite the immense intensity of emotions, it is also freeing to finally feel these feelings and let them out.

BUT! There should be a point in our agony where we pause for a second and realize that only looking at it and getting upset about what happened might not heal the event! So here comes your courage and awareness! When you are back to your presence, take a deep breath and ask Mama Ayahuasca: “Okay, I’ve seen enough, it hurts like hell—so HOW DO WE HEAL THIS?”

And this is where the magic begins with your willingness to heal and let go. Letting go often means forgiving the other person and also yourself. This process unfolds organically; you might just hold onto your willingness to heal and forgive and let it happen.

I should also mention that you might need to come back to the same story again if it is a complicated one and you need to peel off another layer. I know it is an advanced process, but you are still reading this, so you’re ready, and I am here for you, too!

Face your biggest fear before you go

Take on your worst fear first. Sit quietly with it, intending to truly engage in healing work. You’ll likely find that, in addressing this one fear, you also clear out many other hidden or forgotten issues. You’ve got a list of fears, but you probably won’t need to tackle every single one. They tend to resolve each other because they’re often interconnected, showing up differently in various areas of our lives. That’s at least how it works in my practice.

How do you know which fear is the worst? I’m pretty sure you’ll recognize it… it’s the one that makes your anger spike, makes you want to bolt from the world, or just makes you cringe at the thought of addressing it. You procrastinate and avoid it at all costs. Found it? Awesome! 🙂

Now, choose a healing technique or method that resonates with you. You can also seek help from a professional, as we all heal more swiftly with expert support.

The road to your best life passes through your fears; there’s no detour. But when you choose to walk through this intense fire ahead, you’ll emerge on the other side: healed, stronger, wiser, lighter, more courageous, and even more yourself.

Ready to go even deeper?